mylittlesniperrifle | Audio Log #1

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Audio Log #1 | Action

[Audio]
[The feed kicks on, but the screen is dark. Seems this will be an sound only. Whoever turned it on has started it mid sentence.]

-come in! Seriously! Come in, Carolina!

[Doesn't sound happy. Epsilon isn't quite sure where he is, and a feminine snickering coming from his gear is making things worse.]

God dammit, just shut up for one moment! I'm trying to reach someone.... radio must be fried. Wait, since when have I needed a- you know what? Forget it. If this is another capture unit, at least it's not Blood Gulch this time.

[Have a few moments of whistling and general noises one would make while bored.]

Yep. This is great. Fuck this peace and quiet. [And the feed cuts out after this.]

[Action]
[Of course Epsilon is sure to take the sassy comm device. It won't shut up and it's his only clue as to where the hell he might be. The map app said something about New Bark Town, which he is going to assume is the place he just left behind. The trainers manual was a boring read, the red and white ball wound up being a bust (little did he know his little Porygon jumped ship into the gear), and now he was tired.

This was not how he had planned his day. Nope. He had tripped a few times and found out the hard way that this was indeed a fleshbag he was in, not his nice little AI or robot body.

Not to mention the music was pissing him off, that sleeping bag was going to be way too small, and why was there laundry soap? Was there enough to wash his armor? Might just have to find out the hard way...

Anyone who comes across this guy on Route 29 will be overhearing quite a swear fest. Very not PG.]

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[ .... SHE LOOKS SO OFFENDED RIGHT NOW?? ]

Excuse me, but I hope you realize there are children who can see everything you post on the network.

[As if you could see how little he cares through his helmet.]

Yeah? Then why the hell are their parents not censoring this network shit or something? Isn't that what the ESRB thing supposed to be about?

[ SIR

This one's gonna be a handful, isn't he. ]

The children here don't seem to have parents.

[ ... she's not even gonna ask about the ESRB thing. Whatever it is. ]

[Yeah, not really caring.]

That's not my fucking fault! And why do kids have communication devices in the first place? Talking all day on this shit will give them brain cancer.

[Totally messing with you.]

[Carolina's busy training with Stripes and Sheila when this goes up. FILLS, however, is always paying attention to the network.]

HELLO!

IT APPEARS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MY DESIGNATED TRAINER, AGENT CAROLINA! WOULD YOU LIKE FOR ME TO TAKE A MESSAGE?

[Oh gosh F.I.L.S.S. needs to think of a message because her trainer refuses to acknowledge her at the moment.]

HELLO.

MY TRAINER, DESIGNATED WITH THE NAME EPSILON, IS CURRENTLY INDISPOSED. HE IS CONTEMPLATING THE MEANING OF HIS LIFE IN JOHTO. I DO NOT WISH TO DISTURB HIM FOR HE MAY CALL ME 'GOD DAMMIT SHUT UP' AGAIN. MY DATABANK INFORMS ME THAT IS NOT APPROPRIATE.

IF THIS CAROLINA TRAINER WISHES TO SPEAK WITH HIM SHE MAY RETURN HIS CALL WHEN HE IS DONE. ESTIMATED TIME OF COMPLETION: UNKNOWN

It's not a radio, it's a phone. Sort of. And you're not in some kind of capture unit. At ease, soldier.

[Ugh. Military types. What a pain...]

[Epsilon looks over at the gear he's thrown on the ground. He picks it up and looks it over. A comm device?]

F.I.L.S.S is that you making that noise?

[F.I.L.S.S. let's out a sigh, messaging the trainer.]

HELLO

MY TRAINER IS NOT AWARE OF THE MANY FUNCTIONS OF THIS IS DEVICE, INCLUDING THE TALK FUNCTION.

[Back to audio.]

Hey! I am too aware! Are you trying to call me a fucking idiot, F.I.L.S.S.?!

Maybe they are. But you're new, so I suppose that's excusable.

HMM. I UNDERSTAND SUCH BEHAVIOR TO BE UNSATISFACTORY. PERHAPS CORRECTIVE MEASURES SHOULD BE TAKEN.

HOWEVER, AGENT CAROLINA IS CURRENTLY IN TRAINING WITH MY COMPANIONS. PERHAPS AN ALTERNATE METHOD OF ALERT MAY BE USED SO THAT HE MAY PROCEED WITH HIS MESSAGE?

Well fuck you too. And a phone? Those things haven been around for centuries. Way to be from the stone age.

IT MAY BE UNSATISFACTORY, BUT HE IS 'CONTENTED' AS HUMANS WOULD SAY. IS IT NOT OUR IMPERATIVE TO LET HUMANS BE HUMANS AND WE GUIDE THEM ALONG A CORRECT PATH?

THERE MAY BE. IF YOU HAVE SENSORY ORGANS SUCH AS EARS, YOU MAY WISH TO SHUT THEM OFF MOMENTARILY.

[She waits for a moment before forcing the gear to let out a rather shrill noise. This certainly gets her trainers attention.]

AUDIO MESSAGE AS FOLLOWS:

FUCK! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! What the hell was that?! God damn I can't fucking hear now?!? Ow...

[A pause after much wincing.]

That is not a way to get someone's attention you damn thing! Knock it off before I crush you!

MESSAGE END.

Edited (omfg html fail) 2016-04-07 18:50 (UTC)

[Because she's just staring, unsure of what to make of all of that.]

You're fine. Um, except for the angry swearing part. You can check the list of people here to see if your friend is there, too.

[Oh god this thing has a video function, too? Why the hell is a kid talking to him? He's not Tucker! That guy was good with kids, not him...]

"Angry swearing part?" Kid, that's not angry swearing. If I was angry swearing, there'd be a lot more fucks in every sentence, a few assholes here and there, and to end it there'd be a threat to kill someone.

[Wait, is that safe to tell kids? Ugh, who knows... his memories that he can think of don't really deal with children that much. Everything is work, work, work. The director was all work and no play.]

Friends? Why the hell would they be here? There's nothing for those guys to blow up! [He doesn't see bases anywhere...]

Welcome to the stone age, then. We've got barbecued stegosaurus.

... Actually no, but I have seen things that look like T. Rexes around.

In any case. Welcome to the wonderful world of Pokemon, land of various magic-seeming animals. Enjoy your stay, because you're stuck here. Though your world will be back to how it was when you go back, even though none of us know when that will be.

So...people use swearing besides when they're angry?

[That looks like it's news to her.

Also rude, she might look young but she's a teenager.]

Pokemon can learn moves to blow themselves up kinda? And it never makes sense why people are brought here, we don't know so we just make do.

There's a T-Rex-

[Hold up there]

We're trapped in a kids video game?!

[He doesn't know if he should be happy or freaked out.... both. He can be both.]

People using swearing for all types of stuff. Like saying "I'm so fucking happy I could tear apart a bear!" or something like that.

[You're short. You look like a little girl. Kid you are.]

Hmm... I don't know that much about the game, but blowing up sounds about right. I need to get one of those motherfucking T-Rex's.

...Why would you want to rip apart a bear?

[Adults are weird.]

You mean Tyrunt? [Though her Pokemon that peeks into the feed is much larger than that.] You can call Riku and get one from him, but you'd have to pay for it. They don't explode as far as I know. [If that's a detracting factor or something.]

To show how manly you are!

[Or in Tex's case, how easily she could kill you.]

Wait, so I can't just find one running around in the wild like those old games? [Everything explodes into stardust eventually.]

...[Manly...? What difference is there between being a man or a woman in all truth?

Don't confuse the Replica with weird gender binary traditions!]

No, Tyrunt are extinct, so they have to be resurrected from fossils. The people that got them when the initial swarm happened have been breeding them since that time.

Basically, yes. Honestly, it's not as bad as it seems.

... Other than the constant music.

[Just accept the fact that he's from a place where there is a huge distinction for what genders do. ~~Women are stronger.~~

Color him amazed.]

That sounds like some Jurassic Park level shit. I mean, that swarm sounds like all the containment barriers went down, people get eaten, park gets shut down, and the T-Rex is the fucking king of the jungle once more.

[If only you could see him panicking and grinning under that helmet THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN BEING TRAPPED IN A CONTAINMENT UNIT!

He can get little critters that can explode.

How awesome is that?!

But no, that thing...]

........ yeah, where the fuck is that coming from.

Tyrunt are too small to eat anyone.

[Literal-thinking killjoy.]

They came over from another region? So maybe they were migrating for some reason. There was another Pokemon that came alone with it, a long-necked one that's kind of icy.

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