Audio Log #1 | Action

[mylittlesniperrifle]

[Audio]
[The feed kicks on, but the screen is dark. Seems this will be an sound only. Whoever turned it on has started it mid sentence.]

-come in! Seriously! Come in, Carolina!

[Doesn't sound happy. Epsilon isn't quite sure where he is, and a feminine snickering coming from his gear is making things worse.]

God dammit, just shut up for one moment! I'm trying to reach someone.... radio must be fried. Wait, since when have I needed a- you know what? Forget it. If this is another capture unit, at least it's not Blood Gulch this time.

[Have a few moments of whistling and general noises one would make while bored.]

Yep. This is great. Fuck this peace and quiet. [And the feed cuts out after this.]

[Action]
[Of course Epsilon is sure to take the sassy comm device. It won't shut up and it's his only clue as to where the hell he might be. The map app said something about New Bark Town, which he is going to assume is the place he just left behind. The trainers manual was a boring read, the red and white ball wound up being a bust (little did he know his little Porygon jumped ship into the gear), and now he was tired.

This was not how he had planned his day. Nope. He had tripped a few times and found out the hard way that this was indeed a fleshbag he was in, not his nice little AI or robot body.

Not to mention the music was pissing him off, that sleeping bag was going to be way too small, and why was there laundry soap? Was there enough to wash his armor? Might just have to find out the hard way...

Anyone who comes across this guy on Route 29 will be overhearing quite a swear fest. Very not PG.]

Comments

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

It's not a radio, it's a phone. Sort of. And you're not in some kind of capture unit. At ease, soldier.

[Ugh. Military types. What a pain...]

[Audio/Text]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

[Epsilon looks over at the gear he's thrown on the ground. He picks it up and looks it over. A comm device?]

F.I.L.S.S is that you making that noise?

[F.I.L.S.S. let's out a sigh, messaging the trainer.]

HELLO

MY TRAINER IS NOT AWARE OF THE MANY FUNCTIONS OF THIS IS DEVICE, INCLUDING THE TALK FUNCTION.

[Back to audio.]

Hey! I am too aware! Are you trying to call me a fucking idiot, F.I.L.S.S.?!

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

Maybe they are. But you're new, so I suppose that's excusable.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

Well fuck you too. And a phone? Those things haven been around for centuries. Way to be from the stone age.

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

Welcome to the stone age, then. We've got barbecued stegosaurus.

... Actually no, but I have seen things that look like T. Rexes around.

In any case. Welcome to the wonderful world of Pokemon, land of various magic-seeming animals. Enjoy your stay, because you're stuck here. Though your world will be back to how it was when you go back, even though none of us know when that will be.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

There's a T-Rex-

[Hold up there]

We're trapped in a kids video game?!

[He doesn't know if he should be happy or freaked out.... both. He can be both.]

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

Basically, yes. Honestly, it's not as bad as it seems.

... Other than the constant music.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

[If only you could see him panicking and grinning under that helmet THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN BEING TRAPPED IN A CONTAINMENT UNIT!

He can get little critters that can explode.

How awesome is that?!

But no, that thing...]

........ yeah, where the fuck is that coming from.

Audio]

[crouching_sin]

No one knows. And it changes based on where you are. It's stupid, but it's not so bad. Usually.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

So you're walking around with an awful soundtrack.

[Fucking great.]

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

It could always be the screeching of the damned.

Or vuvuzelas, but I repeat myself.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

... I have no idea what a vuvuzela is, but I'll take your word that it's awful.

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

You know those little noisemakers people blow for new year's or whatever? Imagine those, but as a giant horn that can be blown for a very, very long time.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

[Oh...

Oh god...

OH GOD THAT SOUNDS AWFUL STOP THINKING ABOUT IT]

Only a sadist could have come up with that.

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

People can think up all kinds of things. That doesn't mean they should, but... well.

[He shrugs, even if this is audio.]

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

Veggie smoothies are another thing no one should have thought up, but it happened.

[Awful comparison.

Not that he knows what one actually tastes like...]

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

Exactly. So again - it could be worse.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

Yeah, yeah. I could be fucking dead.

[Or in his case, defragmented. Dead is easier to comprehend for others.]

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

Oh, there's worse things than that.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

Got examples?

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

[He laughs, but it's... a dry laugh.]

Being tortured, enduring long-lasting wounds that don't heal properly and only make you wish you died, watching everyone else die around you, being forgotten... just to name a few. I could go on.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

[He's had #1 done, and the last two send a shiver down his now existing spine. The watching everyone die one is something he will do his best to avoid.

No one wants to see their friends die. He's already lost Tex that way...]

Fucking point made.

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

Heh.

Anyway, this place is much more pleasant than that. Kid-friendly, almost.

[Audio]

[mylittlesniperrifle]

So no death, world destruction, computer programs coming to life to kill you, and fuck all what else could happen in non-PG land.

[Audio]

[crouching_sin]

Pretty much. Occasionally there's a larger threat, but even with that, it's still generally a pleasant and peaceful place. Sure, Team Rocket sometimes sets off bombs, but nothing ever seems to do much damage.

Though if you want an idea of how twisted this place can be while still being somehow child-friendly, use your Pokedex app to look up Yamask.